"Life in Baca"

So today…oh today. I had rehearsal again today. Just read my blog from the past two or three days and you’ll get the general gist of rehearsals. It goes like this: block…music…run…STOP!…reblock…music…run…STOP!!! …etc.
We finished up around two and immediately after, I ran back to the apartment and grabbed my books for my online class and headed to Panera. With my schedule be a little hectic the next few weeks, I decided it would be a good idea to get ahead, so I’ve spent the last four hours at Panera doing homework. Oh you got to love it! I forgot that wonderful feeing you get when you finish a paper ☺.
More importantly, I decided to read my Bible while I was here. I opened up to Psalms 84. I may come as no shock to you that the past couple of days have been really difficult. You would think that rehearsals would give me a certain level of pride, however, they’ve done just the opposite; they’ve made me aware of just how insufficient I am. All these ridiculously talented people surround me and being in their wake makes me just feel amateurish. I get so nervous I’m going to make a mistake and make a fool of myself (which has never been an issue before—the embarrassment that comes with making a fool of myself since I tend to do that often ☺). All of that has been weighing pretty heavily on my shoulders, well how good God is. I just love those moments when he seems the most distant and then all the sudden completely assures you that he is there and in control. Let me explain…
“5Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on
pilgrimage [a journey to a sacred place]. 6As they pass through the Valley
of Baca [a.k.a. Valley of Tears/Weeping] they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools. 7They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.”
How appropriate to my situation?! I’ve realized just how much I’ve relied on me and my abilities the past couple of weeks. I’ve chosen to leave God out, and now I’ve brought myself to a point where I see just how much I need him. His strength is beyond anything I could ever muster. I asked you to pray that my heart would not grow hard, this is exactly the answer: I must rely on the strength that God gives to his anointed ones. It allows Christians to stand out and lead a different, positive life because it is something that is completely unavailable to the unsaved. It is there I need to rest. It is once there I can have confidence that my heart will stay protected. With his strength at my side, I can walk confidently, even through a place as dismal as the “Valley of Tears.”